Don’t get Married .. Without having this Conversation!

Dont get Married.. Without having this conversation!So many women are rushing for the dream. The dream of marriage. Walking down the aisle in that long white dress. Picking out your first dance. Having the perfect venue. The flowers, the color scheme, lobster or chicken. Should you jump the broom or take a more modern approach. With the rising divorce rates, it’s clear some of us, don’t have our priorities straight. Marriage isn’t about the wedding. The wedding is only one day, and marriage is supposed to be forever. Fundamental topics need to be discussed before you jump that broom. Here are the top five conversations to have before you become The Wife or The Hubby.

Money

coins-currency-investment-insurance-128867This is the top reason people get divorced. The lack of money, and how money is spent can cause tremendous stress on your marriage. Before you take the leap, put everything out there. Credit scores, debt to income ratios, savings, salaries, and all financial info. Discuss if you will have shared accounts or separate accounts. Will he be paying off your debt? Will you be responsible for his? How will bills be paid? Leave nothing to chance and be honest about your finances and how you both handle money. One person should be the saver in the relationship.

Sex

sexyYou may be the thinking we don’t have a problem with this. Not yet. But let’s be honest. One person may want it way more than another. When you have kids stamina and time may be an issue. Make sure you fit sex into your bond. It’s an important factor that can lead to a slew of other problems. When one partner isn’t fulfilled you open the door for them to seek validation from elsewhere. Make time for sex. This is a priority! Women need the emotional link with their men. Men need that physical connection. Create a sex schedule and stick to it. Some couples are good doing the do once a week. Some couples need that every day. But don’t start something you can’t finish. If you are freaky before the marriage, you will have to keep that up. Try not to show all your cards before you get that ring either.

Power

rhinoceros-782279_640Strange but some of us women want to be men. You were not created to be the man in a relationship. You were not designed to play the fool either. Finding a healthy balance of leadership in your romance is critical. When one person is weak, the other should be able to step in and lead. One spouse should be fire and the other ice. Two hot-headed individuals are gonna burn each other quick. But an equilibrium will create harmony and balance. If you are going for a more traditional route then you know you are trusting your man to take the lead on everything. A constant power struggle daily is going to be hellish. Find the right groove for your love.

Religion

pexels-photo-24129What do you believe in? How will you worship? What is the foundation of your relationship? Getting married and finding out you’re a Baptist and he is a Catholic should never happen. Discuss how you worship and your beliefs. This is a big issue, and it relates to how you will raise your children together. You should know what your partner’s practices and beliefs are. Both of you on the same page spirituality would be ideal, but it doesn’t always happen this way. Compromise and understanding will go a long way. Also get pre-marital counseling it works wonders. Be sure there are no surprises once you say I do.

History

pocket-watch-598039_640Getting to know your partner is key. This will come with dating smart. Not knowing your guy used to be in the military or that she used to work at Magic City in college isn’t good. Do you really want to marry someone you don’t know? If your not sure how to ask the tough questions create a 100 questions game. Find out their deepest and darkest secrets. Once you’re married, you should only be mildly surprised at the things your spouse does. Sure, particular tidbits you will learn over time in your marriage, but you should have a summed up history of the person you’re about to spend forever with.

Honorary mentions
Family- when you get married you not only marry the person, you marry their family. Get to know them. They may be crazy, uptight, or lovely. Get used to them your going to be seeing a lot of them.
Kids- Lawd a mercy people! Please discuss pre-marriage whether you want to have children or not. Especially the morals, values, religion, discipline, and type of home you want to raise them in. Don’t secretly have your tubes tied and he is hoping for twins.
Medical History-Please get your labs before the wedding. HIV and STD testing is crucial enough said!

Once your 85-90% in agreement on the fundamentals go ahead and get married, if you have conflicts about these core things run like hell. Save yourself the expense of a wedding for a marriage that isn’t going to last. What are your top five pre-marriage topics ?

2 thoughts on “Don’t get Married .. Without having this Conversation!

    • HBM staff writer says:

      Marikah thank you so much for your comment! We want black couples to get married and stay married. Focus on the important things.

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